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OESTROGEN DECIDES EVERYTHING 

I am a hormonal bitch.
Three hundred and thirty three days of the yearly calendar, I can be politely described as saintly, very organised, motivated and relatively calm, my days are continuously filled with positivity, joy, happiness and laughter, birds tweet playfully in a halo around my head as I skip gleefully through every situation and hurdle elegantly over each barrier life unexpectedly whips out in front of me.

The remaining twelve days, sees a shift, an almighty turning point, where I become an unsightly demon, so disgustingly powerful I could pierce a fellow mans heart with a wicked glance, snarled lip and shrieking remark. I’m convinced I’m the spawn of the devil or at least we are related, I conjure up livid scenarios in my tangled mind and accuse, confirm and believe that those I love most are plotting against me. I have seriously considered investing in a straightjacket, padded room and mouth gag for such experiences when the underworld escapes through the vessel of my womb and regurgitates through my lurid tongue and unforgivable actions. I drive myself and more so others around the bend- the U bend to be precise, as my rather quaint and sociable conversational skills, flip and resemble that, or quite close to, the shitty toilet scene from Trainspotting.

The world is against me and I am left with no choice but to plan my escape to a remote desert island, where I will live alone and read ‘Heart and Soul’ by Maeve Binchy repeatedly whilst listening to ‘One more cup of coffee’ by Bob Dylan on a loop. No one loves me anyway! What can I offer? My very existence is as crumbly and nutty as the whole packet of almond cookies I devoured, in bed, whilst binging on ‘Californication’ -where the lead character is almost as unfortunate but incredibly more fortunate than I am.

My anger multiplies as my sanity implodes and it’s the end of the world, as we know it- either that or someone, regrettably, forgot to squeeze the toothpaste from the bottom of the tube and clearly expected me to rinse out the bathroom sink, a likely scene to send me in a frenzy, a quivering mess, sinking to the tiled floor, veins pulsating as a voice whispers- ‘did you remember to take your medication darling?’ That’s it! I’m leaving, slamming the front door off it’s hinges, so forceful none of the coordinated pictures are left hanging in the entrance hall.

Deep breaths, I regain my calm as I storm along the, thankfully, quiet Sunday street, looking like a triumphant vagrant- mismatched pyjamas and a berghaus fleece, (unsure of the owner) my hair skew-whiff. I reach my sanctuary- the top of Balgay Hill and dream of my new life where I live on the beach, grow my armpit hair, drink from coconuts and weave friendship bracelets from Palm leaves, if only things can be that simple.

An hour or so of Forest Bathing, I return home, sane and refreshed from my otherworldly outburst. Typically greeted by a withered and worried boyfriend who has undeniably no conceivable idea as to what had unfolded before him and how could I possibly explain when I can’t bloody untangle it myself.

Although, I predict I have psycho cuntism, brought on through my maniacal menstrual cycle.

‘a female human being who knows that a month has thirty days, not twenty-five, and who can spend every one of them free of the shackles of that defect of body and mind known as femininity.’

Long Live the VEF and Gigi the psycho QUEEN!


  
  
  
  
Photography : ‘The Coven at Aokigahara’ by Kathryn Rattray for Twisted Flax, featured at ‘The Unsung Hero’ Exhibition 2014.

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Just Kids, Part Two

“I believe that we, that this planet, hasn’t seen its Golden Age. Everybody says its finished … art’s finished, rock and roll is dead, God is dead. Fuck that! This is my chance in the world. I didn’t live back there in Mesopotamia, I wasn’t there in the Garden of Eden, I wasn’t there with Emperor Han, I’m right here right now and I want now to be the Golden Age …if only each generation would realise that the time for greatness is right now when they’re alive … the time to flower is now.”
― Patti Smith

 

 

The development of my self conscious is something I’ve been working on for sometime, exploring different approaches, all aiming towards a positive flow of life’s energy. I have altered, rectified, pushed, pulled, moulded and manipulated my outlook in search of my ultimate zen, thus being to reach the precise obverse of my rather sullen, negative and down beat personality. Many factors shape our lifestyles and perspectives, from our individual upbringing to our career choice, social habits or our arrangement of close companions, each factor reinforcing how we view the world and how we consider ourselves. I have tested myself throughout many years, I still test myself now, changing strategy until I find my ultimate aim of peace in my mind. My latest approach of physical exercise has seen me peak in well-being, focus and determination, it has given me the lift and push I need to determine the abundant goals I have in other areas of my life. Rectifying my relationship with alcohol and discovering other outlets to off-load, switch off, relax and get lost in has lifted my spirits and created an overpowering and contagious energy I am excited to share with the world.

The month of January, I have focused on self development, changing my diet, discarding meat products and cows milk, regaining control of my core muscles and physical strength, as well as taking hold of my emotions and contributing more effort in my mental and physical interactions. My chakras are aligned and I feel a reassuring balance, I’m on the right track. I have made a conscious decision to keep myself centred and to live in the present. My aura feels light and breezy, yet warm and fuzzy and I believe I have reached the pinnacle, where good things start to happen.

‘You get out, what you put in’

I’m confidently certain the energy we give out, connects and channels likewise currents, linking people and places to generate incredible ideas and events. Everything in the Universe is energy and many things can be changed with energy. Every person, every thought, every emotion is energy. Our energy fields and systems are alive and intelligent. Using this positive source to your advantage is where the fun begins.

I’ve watched my hairdressing career expand and grow alongside the acceleration of my well being, I’ve stretched from city to city and further on to the fashion capital of the world, Paris. I am confident in my ability as a strong team member, reliable, flexible, prepared and switched on. I am enjoying my travels, adventures and the fun my inner energy attracts.

The next tale, written by Titi Finlay, tells of my latest chapter to London Collection Men’s 2016, where I had the pleasure of assisting Gary Gill as part of his creative team on three incredible shows, including, Xander Zhou, Christopher Raeburn and Bobby Abley. When your mind is in the right place, you know something exciting can happen at any moment….

‘It did not surprise me when my friend Holly mentioned she had secured us a backstage tour of The Lion King Musical, on London’s West End. Thrilled and excited, yes, but not surprised, for Holly has a knack for attracting goodness.

In this particular example, Holly was simply sitting in a London Central branch of Pret à Manger, when she was approached by a woman named Fiona, who wanted nothing more than to compliment Holly on her style. As the conversation unfolded, Fiona explained that she works in the costume department of the hit musical and would be more than willing to give Holly (and her hysterical friends) a tour…

Caitlin and I set off to meet Holly at ‘The Nags Head’ pub in Covent Garden, but after a turbulent few stops on the London Underground, Caitlin politely stepped off the carriage and spewed pink vomit all over the marble floors of Hyde Park Corner. (N.B freshly blitzed raspberries may sound healthy but avoid at all costs when your stomach is full to the brim with last nights tequila…)

We eventually boarded the train once more, desperately trying not to miss our 5.15pm tour, while Holly awaited us on the stoop of the pub like a lost child. I dramatically told her to ‘go on without us’ feeling like a musical martyr, whilst my patent boots stumbled over the cobbled stones of Covent Garden.

We barged past the 14-year-old groupies at the stage door and frantically yelled at the doorman, that we had a tour ‘wi Fiona fae the costumes!’ Inside Holly was waiting for us and I suddenly felt a moment of sheer zen, as though I had just stepped on to the holy floors of a cathedral. Fiona put a lanyard around my neck and the doors opened to a world of dreams: The vaults of a musical theatre. Holly and I pranced around while Caitlin took photographs, memories. We made out debut on The Lion King stage and had we not been so polite, I have a feeling the whole of ‘Annie’ would have been performed to the light technicians. While Holly went to find her bag- which she threw to one side as she ran with excitement on to the stage, I stood livid with myself for not videoing myself singing the tribal, iconic opening lines of ‘The Circle of Life’. However, I soon forgot as we were lead through corridors full of dressing rooms, ajar, so we could catch a glimpse of a boozy after-party, or Simba’s bum as he changed. It was completely magical, and after we had thanked Fiona for making it possible, I turned to thank Holly, who makes everything possible.’ – Titi Finlay.

A perfect example and proving in every way possible that balance and positivity within your metaphysical biofield can bring great things, including, a tour of The Lion King or meeting The Jersey Boys and partying with them at Madonna’s private members club or turning up at Liam Gallagher’s Pretty Green after-show party in your pyjamas or making Hollywood movie stars carry your suitcase or meeting Patti Smith and touching her with your sweaty hands.

Long live the VEF and I love you Pipi Ginlay, you will always be my QUEEN!